Five Great New Tracks That No One Knows These tracks are totally obscure and i've only manage to uncover these gems by searching high and low, trawling the information sea for the freshest catch. That's probably the worst metaphor all time, but i digress. Here's some tracks of awesomeness.

1. Protest The Hero - Herectics and Killers Are you for serious. This band has massive balls, massive. It's like Dream Theater met Coheed and Cambria at a seedy backwoods motel, made a night of it, got knocked up and Protest The Hero shot out of the birth canal half way through some face melting tremolo picking. Sick. All will be explained this track from their new album Kezia, which is awesome. For fans of everything good in the world.

2. Diecast - Fade Away These American metallers definitely know how make it rock for the men and croon for the ladies. Straight up rockin American metalcore style reminiscent of a pre-Howard Killswich Engage. This track is the single from their new album "Internal Revolution" which should be good if this track is anything to go by.

3. The Aggrolites - Funky Fire I'm not a massive man for reggae. For me reggae begins and ends with Marley, i never had the drive to look further in to it. That is until The Aggrolites blew onto the scene and put some funky fire in my life. These guys are the hippest white guys of all time. This is from their self titled debut and it's just good, I can't explain it. Happy times music.

4. Heavens - Counting For all those Alkaline trio fans out there I present Heavens, Matt Skiba's new side project including him on vocals and his unknown friend Josiah Steinbeck who does basically everything else. This Steinbeck guy creates an interesting atmosphere, and Skiba sounds quite different in some of these songs, send me a comment if you agree that his lower register sounds like Paul Banks from Interpol. Uncanny, and good.

5. Khoma - Medea This song is pretty awesome. These guys are signed with Roadrunner in the UK but that doesn't really do a good job of explaining their sound. Because their not shit. They are however very atmospheric and trippy, got a deftones vibe sans Chino's annoying nu metal whining and less of an aggressive approach. From their new album "The Second Wave". And heres a tasteless picture for no reason.

I Love Maddox

Get To Know My friend Vol.3: Devin Townsend

I’m so jazzed to be doing this particular instalment because there is nothing more rocking than what lies below. Today we explore the complete discography of Devin Townsend in all of it’s sonic glory. Excitement is appropriate at this time. Devin Garrett Townsend began his career with his band called Noisescapes in and around the Vancouver metal scene. The Noisescapes EP (sadly no longer with us) was picked up by Relativity Records, the same record label who had signed Steve Vai, Megadeth, Death and others. Deevin tried to create some interest in the EP by sending it to various people wrapped in his own used underwear, no shit (bad choice of words, I apoligise). This method apparently worked and Devin was recruited to play on Steve Vai’s (guitar hero and general wanker) only foray with a band, the imaginatively entitled “Vai”. Devin sang on their album “Sex and Religion” and participated in the subsequent world tour at the fresh age of only 19 years of age. Thanks to this exposure Devin was recruited to tour with cult pop thrash band “The Wildhearts” beginning his fruitful relationship with their singer Ginger. During 1994 he also contributed guitars to a couple of Front Line Assembly Albums.

In 1995, Devin formed Strapping Young Lad and started writing his own music. SYL began as a solo project, forming the first album “Heavy As A Really Heavy Thing” almost entirely by himself, excluding the drums. Since then it has progressed into a full band and have released 5 critically acclaimed albums of progressive symphonic thrash (thats bullshit, i dont know what it is). Kerrang dubbed SYL’s second album “City” as being one of the heaviest albums of all time. Devin’s style of producing involves a ridiculous amount of sound layering, creating the “wall of sound” style that SYL are so lauded for. Devin himself is considered to be one of the most brilliant minds in the current worldwide metal scenes, and who are we to disagree. He is also one of the most sought after producers in the current metal scene, his previous efforts including successful albums by; Soilwork, Lamb of God, Misery Signals, Darkest Hour and the new GWAR album. The future of SYL is uncertain, as Devin has recently announced their hiatus, explaining that he is currently sick of it. However, I doubt this man will stop releasing great music, which is all good in the hood if you ask me. Now for the rundown:

Strapping Young Lad – Heavy As A Really Heavy Thing (1995)

SYL’s first release and Devin’s first professional foray into producing his own material. Pretty healthy freshman release for the bald man of insanity, crushing industrial thrash, fuelled with Devins cynical lyrics and vocal acrobatics. Definitley, not his best but is a pretty good album to go back and look at after listening to the classics. "SYL" is a good indication of where they were at with this release.

Strapping Young Lad – City (1997)

Metal classic. This was SYL’s breakthrough into the worldwide metal consciousness and introduced the world to the twisted world of Devin Townsend. This album isn’t just a punch in the face, it’s a fucking wrecking ball. Waves of oceanic brutality pummeling against your eardrums. When I heard this album about two years ago it was truly the heaviest thing I had heard. But it was also intriguing in it’s complexity. Tracks like “Oh My Fucking God” and “All Hail The New Flesh” are pretty self explanatory, but there is still the thread of melody in tracks like “Detox”. Brutal as.

Ocean Machine – Biomech (1997)

Ocean Machine was Devin’s first foray into a true side project, the result of which is this brilliant album, evoking a more melodic and haunting take on metal, while still remaining pretty heavy throughout. This is held up by many Devin freaks as his magnum opus and it is a great album of melodic progressive hard rock, evident in the song “Life” probably one of Devins poppier efforts up to this point. Poppy and awesome. Give it a spin.

Devin Townsend – Infinity LP (1998)

The first album released under his own name, the “Infinity LP” is an descent into Devins mental breakdown he was experiencing whil recording this album. What this means for you listeners is possibly the most fucked up thing you’ve ever heard. However, its not portrayed in a ‘look at me I’m crazeeeee’ style (Varg Vikerness eh hem) but is effortlessly incorporated into Devins sound. If anything this album takes us to the utmost extremes of Devins eclectic mind jarring from massive walls of sound to pure unadultered beauty. This is him at his most exposed, in more ways than the obvious.Listen to "Christeen", it's sick.

Strapping Young Lad – No Sleep Til’ Bedtime (1998)

SYL’s live album, showing the world that they actually could reach the sonic highs and lows of their studio work on the live stage. Like a well oiled machine they kick through a killer set of songs from their previous albums. On an interesting side note, the lyrics for the song “Far Beyond Metal”, a tongue in cheek look at his taste in music as a young man are made up on the spot by Devin, which is pretty impressive.

Devin Townsend – Physicist (2000)

This album is Devin Townsend at his least experimental, truest to his metal roots. That doesn’t mean it’s anything less than brilliant though. The purity of this album is a juxtaposition of his Infinity release which found him at his most eclectic. It’s him at his straightest, and his shortest, clocking in at just over 47 minutes. Truthfully, it’s probably my least favourite of the Devin catalogue but it’s tracks like the epic “Namaste” that make it more than worth your time.

Devin Townsend – Terria (2001)

A seminal release and the perfect comeback from the strong yet unadventurous “Physicist”. If anything, “Terria” is like a combination of his previous efforts, melding the heaviness of “Physicist”, the insane brilliance of “Infinity” and the industrial goodness of “Ocean Machine” into what was probably his most thematically cohesive album to date. Tracks like “Canada” are also a good example of Devin’s everyday lyrical theme on Terria. Highly Recommended.

Strapping Young Lad – S/T (2003)

After a lengthy hiatus SYL get back in the drivers seat for another serving of brutality. Some consider “SYL” their best, and it’s easy to see why when tracks like “Devour” shredding eardrums all over the world. However, Devin cashes in the sonic harshness of the previous albums for a more dynamic approach with tracks like “Relentless” and "Force Fed" having melodic dashes of brilliance, reminiscent of his solo work. What is also evident here is SYL’s self conscious silliness that permeates the lyrics and the music. Devin knows metal is silly, he loves it anyway. But still brutal above all. A true metal classic.

Devin Townsend Band – Accelerated Evolution (2003)

The first release under the DTB moniker and is a bit more to the point than “Terria” is. This is not a bad thing in the least as Devin creates some damn catchy and sonically engaging music that is reminiscent of his former rocking Devin sound. Not as experimental as “Terria” or “Infinity”, but better than “Physicist” in my opinion. "Storm" is a kick ass track. Great stuff.

Devin Townsend – Devlab (2004)

Only for true fans. This is Devin at his most experimental, taking a series of samples and creating this concoction of noise and ambience. Is it music?, who knows, its definitely interesting, but maybe a bit much for a whole album. Heres a sample with the interesting title of "Track 10". Because its track 10 :)

Strapping Young Lad – Alien (2005)

SYL’s fourth and most adventurous recording to date. “Alien” saw Devin experimenting with the SYL concept, combining their previous punch in your face aesthetic with elements of his solo work. Still insanely heavy and yet able to turn on a dynamic dime to moments of beauty and ambience. A little bit jarring for some maybe but the complex brilliance shown in songs like “Love?” and “Shitstorm” make it one of the most brilliantly beautiful metal albums of all time.

Devin Townsend – Synchestra (2006)

Awesome awsomeness. I think I’ve run out of positive adjectives when thinking of things to say about Devins work. “Synchestra" finds Devin drawing on all of the musical experimentation of his previous work to concoct this incredible album full of experimentation and great songwriting. Taking a totally different aesthetic theme and adapting and compacting all of his previous efforts down into this masterful epic creation, of which "Gaia" is a fine example. Best metal/hard rock album of 2006 and if you don’t believe me find out for yourself.

Strapping Young Lad – The New Black (2006)

In what may be their last release, Devin has created SYL’s most digestible material to date, a great starting point for those to cut their proverbial SYL teeth. The accessibility is a testament to how good Devin has got at songwriting, able to craft equal parts thrash/pop to notch up some of their all time best songs. Cuts like “Wrong Side” and the hilarious “You Suck” show Devin at the pinnacle of his craft. Maybe he thinks he should quit while he’s ahead.

So that’s that. It's good to see a musician who has a basically flawless career because there aren't many round. Needless to say it should happen more often. Remember to send me positive and negative comments guys, it lets me know I’m not just talking to myself. See Ya.

Funniest Thing Ever

Screech from “Saved By The Bell” has made a porno. Lets just bask in the glory of my previous sentence. I’m not gonna link to it because I don’t know what the blogger policy is for linking to porn but it shouldn’t be that hard to find, and it’s totally worth it.

Mr Bungle - The Girls Of Porn